When I died, I had no pennies on my eyes
So I used my body as a bargain for the trip
Charon's embrace felt warm in the desolate space
The boat rocked on the still waters of Styx.
When we docked, I went to look for the plains of Elysium
Where I was sure I would find my resting place.
I found the warrior kings and queens
And searched for my sisters of war and hate
But though I occupied the same liminal space
The shades refused to look me in the face
Even the women who I had fought next to,
Lived next to, loved next to, refused to offer a word
To me. I looked down at my body, ravaged by war
And now ravaged by man and knew I must find my own space
To occupy for eternity. I left my sisters,
Cold with rejection and wandered the plains of hell
Alone, hoping to heal from a lover's embrace.
Diving Into Insanity
Whisper in my ear, my sweet, stare into my soul, my love
Insatiate me with your wicked deeds and wilting pleas
Drive me to the brink my dear and leave me breathless
Pleading for you near
When I'm lonely, you keep my company
When I'm breaking, you keep me moving,
Trailing pieces of sanity in my wake, feeding me fresh
Carnage to fuel my break
Damned am I to toil with you for eternity
Madness may make good company, but love
For you does not remain when rejection is
Rejected, never alone.
With you, my hated spouse, I'll wait out my sentence,
Resign myself to chains. Do to me what you shall,
For you might control my mind, but you'll never
Take my heart.
Daddy would sing about ponies and cowpokes
To my little brother and me. We sat at the edge of the bed,
As he strummed along, enchanted by the simple melody. As we got older
The songs got darker, philandering women
And men sent to prison, but the enchantment of music never wore off
When he would sing of loss and loneliness,
We'd join along at the chorus like three desperate strangers
Begging the world for company. When he died
We lost our music and our soul,
But every once and a while the radio plays one of his old songs
And we hear him still as we hum along
Oh dear God please don't let me be alone with myself
For too long. I'll call out to Aphrodite, Mars, Demeter too,
Begging to be fucked, killed and reinvigorated with youth.
Spiteful Aphrodite, please, hear my call,
I don't need someone to fall in love, for anyone
Will do. Quick fuck and I'm good, if you will
Allow it. Mars, I need your help. I need to die
To be reborn. I'll enter in your war, if you'll entertain
My request. Lastly but with most piousness,
Demeter I do entreat, make me virginal again.
I can not live without doing what I did, but I cannot
Live having done it yet again. Make me clean,
Make me right and all my riches will be yours.
I have not more to offer you than what in my heart I store.
Gods and Goddesses, keep me company,
For if I stay here alone, I'm afraid I'll drink from Lethe.
Now is not the time to regret, but rather to rejoice!
For if the end is near, at least I'll have a voice.
Here I am, waiting to be swept off my feet,
Yet no one is near. I sit, in my fatness, because
I guess I'm fat now, and wonder how I got here.
Was it the antidepressants (probably), was it the lack of working out (probably),
Or maybe the overeating. I'm afraid, partly because
No one will ever love me, but mostly because
I'm happy with what I have. Is this happiness
Manufactured? Is it blurring my recognition
Of addiction to food, porn, and alcohol?
Or am I just making problems when there are none,
Looking for something to fix. All I know
Is that I traded my beautiful body for happiness.
I've traded my body for a lot less, but it still feels just the same
Sam Casey is a Military Instructor in the English Department at the United States Naval Academy. She enjoys sailing, playing rugby, and reading poetry. She has been published under pen-name Porter Jenkins with The Minison Project: Sonnet Collection vol 4, and Wrong Turn Lit. Her Poetry Collection, Erotic Trauma, will be published with the Naked Cat in October of 2023.